I've always known that I was going to be a teacher. Ever since I was 8 years old and I would teach my little sister and her friends in my pretend classroom, and when I was 12 years old I knew I would be a Community Dance Worker. As far as I was concerned, Community Dance was my destiny!
On the 15th January 2013, I made my way down to Eastbourne and I had to stay in a hotel over night because Eastbourne is so far away. I was sat in my hotel room which looked out onto the beach and I felt like I could be happy in Eastbourne, that I could really enjoy living and studying there. I got out all my notes and audit forms to do some preparation for the next day's interview and I suddenly burst into tears. Absolutely out of the blue, I was in hysterics and for a while I couldn't understand why. Once I'd calmed down a bit I began trying to find a reason for my emotional outburst. I looked down at the audit forms on my lap and realised that I hated everything on the secondary school dance curriculum. How could I be expected to teach something that I had no interest in? I then began questioning how I got to where I was. How did I get to be sat in a hotel room, 200 miles from home after applying and taking my skills tests? How did I get so far without having a single doubt in my mind before now?
After some thinking, I figured out I came up with this plan around last June. I spoke to my family and friends about it and they all said that my idea of doing a PGCE in Secondary Dance was very sudden and came out of nowhere! I think I must have got to the end of my second year and had a bit of a panic. I had one year left at University and I needed to make a plan asap for what I would do once I finish. I knew there aren't many opportunities in Community Dance and even less money, so my solution was to do a PGCE. With this decision, I completely lost sight of who I am and what I love. I'm not a secondary school teacher. Not at all. I'm a Community Dance Worker. I always have been.
I feel like a million things have been staring me in the face for months saying "What the hell are you doing?!" The fact that my parents contiuously questioned my plan, I've spent months writing my dissertation on community dance and people always seemed shocked when I told them I was going to be a high school teacher.
I've been trying to figure out a way to explain how I was feeling at the time and the only way I describe it is in this analogy...
Imagine you're at your wedding. You're about to walk down the aisle. You've spent so much money on what you think is your dream wedding. The church is full of your family and friends. Then suddenly you realise that the man waiting for you at the alter isn't the person you're meant to marry. He's the wrong person for you. You're making a huge mistake.
That's how I've been feeling for the past month. Yes, my interview was a month ago today (I wrote this post the day before I posted it on my blog). Maybe the fact I finally plucked up the courage to write this blog post today, exactly one month after my interview date is some kind of sign?
I didn't go through with my interview. I left Eastbourne early the next morning and who knows if I'll ever return there. I wanted to share my feelings on my blog just in case somebody else is feeling or going through the same thing as me. Leaving university is terrifying, it really is, but don't ever feel pressured to rush into something that isn't right for you. Yes times are hard at the moment; there aren't many jobs available, you probably won't earn much money to begin with and you will almost definitely have to move back in with your parents, but it is important to remember who you are and what you love.
Anyway, back to Movement Studies!
This month I've been working with my patterns of movement. In Katye's classes, I have noticed that I fall into familiar patterns of moving, particularly when travelling across the space and in and out of the floor. In Natalie's classes, I've been noticing the movement patterns (Homologous, Homolateral etc) in the moving we do in class. I've been trying to work out which of the movement development patterns are most comfortable for me and if I trying to be more aware of the patterns less available to me, whether my moving will change and if I'll break my movement habits. The result of this will be explored in next month's blog post.
